Alright, GamerFan, ready to dive into Xenophobe?

I’ve been looking forward to this. An intergalactic bug extermination? How can we resist?

Indeed! Let’s fire it up and see what the deal is with these Xenos.

One thing’s for sure, the cover art looks pretty cool. Space stations, acid-spitting aliens — classic ’80s sci-fi vibe.

Agreed. But let’s see if the gameplay holds up. Look at that, the game starts with our heroes receiving a distress call from the space stations. Seems promising.

Always a good setup. So, we are engineers? Not the usual hero type, but it’s cool. A bit of realism.

And practical. Engineers always save the day in sci-fi, after all. Alright, let’s clear these space stations!

They start the game and encounter their first Xeno.

So, the standard issue laser is… underwhelming? It feels like we’re throwing rubber bands at these things.

True, but it does set the stage for finding better weapons. Hey, here’s a Phaser! Ten times better.

Much better. And, look, a Lightning Rifle. It’s powerful but has such limited ammo. Frustrating.

It’s like they handed out these weapons begrudgingly. Here’s a taste, but don’t get too comfortable.

You know what’s interesting, though? It’s partially split-screen even for single-player. It’s a bit hard to adjust to, but it allows for co-op play which is neat.

Speaking of co-op, want to give it a try?

Definitely! Let’s see how two engineers fare against the horde.

They switch to the multiplayer mode.

Alright, not bad. The synergy of having two characters running around works, but the screen is so cramped! It’s like the Xenos have invaded our TV.

And the lag… oh, the lag. It’s like the Xenos brought some slow, otherworldly force with them.

The alien threat: lag, ammo shortage, and cramped screens. Despite all that, kind of fun in a challenging way.

It’s definitely quirky. I have to admit, the setups and the different space stations do add variety. Plus, the music’s not half bad. It’s catchy in that late ’80s synth kind of way.

Points for atmosphere, even if the gameplay quirks keep throwing us off. Can’t say it’s easy to recommend, but it’s got some charm. By the way, did you know the developers responsible for *Xenophobe*, Bally Midway, are the same folks who brought us *Spy Hunter*? Quite the contrast, right?

Really? Wow, that’s an interesting piece of trivia. They nailed it with *Spy Hunter*, but this feels like they were experimenting a bit too much.

Speaking of experiments, the whole idea of Xenos hatching from pods is pretty imaginative. But visually, these Xenos look more like something I’d swat away on a picnic than fear for my life over.

And we’ve finally reached the end of the game. Uh-oh, spoilers from here! Let’s brace ourselves for the final Xeno showdown.

They reach the last boss.

Are we battling… a giant alien slug? Anticlimactic much?

It’s moving at… a snail’s pace. Almost feels like we’re in slow motion. Quite fitting for the end boss of this lag-fest.

It’s like a metaphor for the entire game. Anti-climactic but, in its own weird way, memorable.

Overall, Xenophobe might be one of the worst games in terms of mechanics and execution, but it’s endearing. Great for a laugh with friends, especially those patient enough to see the humor in it.

Agreed. And for anyone stuck, here’s a tip: always go for the Phaser or Lightning Rifle when available, and connect your attacks during those brief moments of no lag. Trust me, it’ll save you a lot of frustration.

And if nothing else, play it for the nostalgic value. It’s a neat slice of 1988 gaming history, quirks and all.

Well, here’s to memorable game experiences, even if they aren’t all legendary for the right reasons.

Cheers to that! Now, let’s pop in something a bit more polished, how about *Mega Man 2*?

Now you’re talking. Let’s do this!

And there you have it: a nostalgic romp through *Xenophobe*, a game that’s equal parts endearing and exasperating. Perfect for any 1988 gaming marathon!

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You can also read our Villain View of Xenophobe here!