Thank you for joining us today, anonymous-villain! We’re excited to get your unique perspective on the events of Xenophobe. Tell us, what drives you to make life so… interesting for those pesky engineers?

Ah, it’s a delight, really. Imagine, if you will, the luxury of watching overconfident engineers scuttle about, thinking they stand a chance against my meticulously designed nightmare. Oh, how their laser pistols tremble! My motivation? Simple. Who else will whip them into shape, if not me—the spatula-wielding chef in this cosmic kitchen?

Your Xenos minions are quite the formidable bunch. Devilishly clever. How do you keep them so disciplined?

Oh, darling, Xenos are like family—if your family had claws and an appetite for destruction. Keep them well-fed with the occasional heroic intruder, sprinkle in a liberal coating of fear, and they’re perfectly obedient. A little acid-spitting here, a little hatchling horror there, and they’re ready for prime time.

consoles flicker and the cold, metallic interiors stretch on

Let’s talk about the heroes. Any thoughts on the game’s engineers and their attempts to thwart you?

Engineers? Ha! More like overgrown rodents scurrying through my stations. They’re constantly endeavoring to find the better weapon, the quicker route, but it’s akin to a mouse navigating a lion’s den. Heroism is so last eon. Their attempts at combating my beautiful chaos is as clumsy as a two-legged Xeno!

A bit harsh, but fair. Speaking of challenges, what do you think about the game’s power-ups? Are they cheating or merely futile attempts to balance the scales?

Power-ups?! Godsend for the weak-hearted, darling. Yes, let them have their phasers and lightning rifles; it makes the game stretch a tad longer before the inevitable doom. I, of course, foresaw developers sneaking these in. They think I don’t know where they’ve hidden the secrets? Pfft. Those aforementioned Lightning Rifles have a sweet spot in Level 3, right behind some conveniently placed barrels. Enjoy your momentary boost, heroes.

a swarm of acid-spitting creatures

Developers, eh? They certainly had a hand in shaping both the glory and flaws of this game. Care to spill some insider secrets?

Oh honey, they put together something they thought would ‘balance’ the game. The teleporters? Perfect ambush points for me. And those bomb placements? Not strategic, merely fallacies planted to give a false sense of hope. The trick is knowing which doors to avoid—hint: anything blinking red spells DOOM.

Some players actually manage to beat Xenophobe, can you believe it? What do you have to say to those victorious few?

Oh, color me impressed! They survived my gauntlet. But let’s not kid ourselves, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Kudos to their perseverance… or sheer luck. Either way, it’s good entertainment for me. Just don’t expect a ticker-tape parade—your victory is ephemeral.

a visual symphony of dread, confusion, and inevitable defeat

What a unique take. Let’s switch gears—if you could change one thing about the game mechanics, what would it be?

The flip-screen mechanic, darling. Why not turn it into a horror show with dynamic screen transitions? Make those engineers scream and cry with every unpredictable flip. Add a touch of real-time chaos, uncertainty breeds the most delicious terror, don’t you agree?

Truly diabolical. Before we wrap up, can you share a hint or secret to help future players overcome the Xenos threat?

Well, I suppose giving a crumb to the masses won’t hurt. Listen closely: the Poofer gun is underrated but immensely effective against smaller Xenos. And, if you hold onto it, the Range Tracker in Level 5 can lead you straight to a hidden cache. Makes those final levels slightly less harrowing… but only slightly.

ragtag engineer entering my meticulously designed, dimly lit corridors

Fascinating! And lastly, will we be seeing you again soon, or are you planning a retirement from villainy?

Retirement? Oh please! The joys of orchestrating galactic chaos are evergreen! Consider this a brief respite. I’ll be back, likely upgraded, and with even more twisted designs for your so-called heroes. Until then, enjoy your fleeting moments of peace. Mwahaha!

Thank you, anonymous-villain, for such an enlightening interview. We’ll await your return… with a mixture of dread and anticipation!

The pleasure was all mine. Until next time, bgc-villains.

 

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You can also read our Classics conversation of Xenophobe here!