Alright, GamerFan, I’ve got just the game for today – 8 Eyes! It’s the classic NES action-adventure game we’ve been hearing so much about. You ready to dive in and, ahem, test our patience?
Oh, why not! I heard it has this cool co-op mode, so let’s give it a go. I’ll take control of the falcon, and you can be Orin, the – as the box calls him – ‘intrepid falconer.’ Let’s save the world, one frustratingly challenging moment at a time.
Sounds like a plan. We start in the Duke’s Palace, and man, those enemies don’t waste any time coming after us. I feel like I’m swinging a butter knife at them! Did they forget to sharpen Orin’s sword when they shipped this game?
The sword is like trying to fight a dragon with a toothpick. Hey, at least my falcon can fly around and actually do some decent damage. Let’s see what treasures we can uncover together. Did you know you can use the falcon to hit remote switches?
Yes, but first I need to figure out which switch does what. Speaking of which, these graphics sure are… well, they’re something, aren’t they? The enemies look more like abstract art pieces than actual threats.
Maybe they wanted the visuals to be open to interpretation. Now, don’t get me wrong, the idea of controlling a falcon is awesome, but the execution? It’s so awkward! You’d think with two players, the gameplay would be smoother, but coordinating between falcon and falconer is like synchronized swimming with handcuffs on.
And synchronized facepalming over this control scheme. Did you know the creators, Thinking Rabbit, are the same folks published by Hal America? They also gave us Solomon’s Key – which, by the way, wasn’t this confusing or punishing.
Yes, Solomon’s Key was more… approachable. It had its difficulties too, but at least the puzzles made sense. In 8 Eyes, sometimes I feel like even solving the puzzles just rewards us with more confusion. This game tries so hard to combine Castlevania’s combat with puzzle elements but fails spectacularly at both.
Speaking of puzzles, here’s a game tip I found: when you collect all 8 jewels, make sure to place them in the correct order once you reach the House of Ruth. There’s a secret order that mixes historical lore with the gameplay, and getting it wrong means going back to the stage select screen.
Oh, neat historical references in a game that makes us want to throw history books out the window! Anyway, the bosses are basically oversized sponges of damage with less personality than a cardboard cutout. It’s a shame, really.
And now, the final boss challenge… Spoiler alert, folks! It’s The Duke. Or should I say, The Big Disappointment? His attacks are completely random, and though I appreciate a challenge, it feels more like a desperate attempt to drain our lives unceremoniously.
Ah, The Duke! The ultimate test of our patience and tolerance for bad design. His idea of combat is flailing aimlessly while we try to hit him with our aforementioned butter knife. At least the game gives us a sense of completion – the sky clears, and peace returns to the land, but was it worth the aggravation?
The only eyes we’ll end up collecting are the rolled ones from frustration. Did we mention this was supposed to be a globe-trotting adventure? If only it had the excitement to match its premise! This game’s a testament to how a great idea can falter without good execution.
Well, we survived 8 Eyes – what an accomplishment. For anyone brave enough to try it, definitely play co-op; it’s slightly less painful with a friend. In conclusion, a game marred by clunky controls, irritating difficulty, and questionable design choices. But hey, at least we had fun laughing at it together!
Absolutely! And for fellow gamers in 1988, here’s hoping for better titles on the horizon. Maybe even something truly epic like Super Mario Bros. 3. Until then, we shall fondly remember the day we persevered through 8 Eyes and came out stronger (and more comical) for it!
On to the next adventure, RetroGamer84. If this is the worst we encounter, we’ll be just fine.
You can also read the Villain View for 8 Eyes here!
