Alright, GamerFan, are you ready to dive into this side-scrolling adventure called Volguard II? I’ve got my high hopes and low expectations firmly in place.
You bet! I’ve read some buzz about this game, mostly mixed. Let’s see if it lives up to… well, whatever it’s supposed to be. I’ve got the controller, ready to blast off!
Let’s start with the basics. Volguard II is a shooter, right? You shoot bullets and bombs, transition into a mech to punch stuff, and you’ve got 25 areas to clear. That’s a tall order for the mid-80s!
Yep, but our craft’s energy counter is like a ticking time bomb. Each hit adds to it, and if it reaches 99, it’s game over. The suspense should be real… in theory.
And just to add some spice, if the craft’s power isn’t enough, you can’t even shoot bullets! That sounds like the game really wants us to never have fun.
Ha, exactly! The key is to collect the mech attachment—being able to turn into a mech and walk around, dealing punches, does give it an edge. Although, it’s more like a dull butter knife than a sharp sword.
The game sure has a sense of humor with its difficulty levels. It’s like flipping a coin to choose how quickly we want to meet our doom. Let’s go with level 3, more challenge, more… “fun.”
Sure, because why not suffer a bit? Anyway, have you read those game magazines recently? Nintendo Power always has the most hilarious critiques. I think they’re going to have a field day with this one.
Boss fight
No kidding. Okay, let’s blast off! Here come the first enemies. Did you notice how your bullets only reach halfway across the screen unless you power up? It’s like they’re running out of… enthusiasm.
It’s like the developers felt exuberant for 2 seconds and then just said, “That’s enough eggnog for us!” Speaking of developers, did you know that TokuSoft, who made this game, broke up soon after the release? Volguard II was their swan song.
Wow, one last hurrah, and it shows. Somehow. Oh! Super game tip: Gather as many power-ups as you can without taking hits early on. If you can make it to the mech transformation, you can tough out some of those ground levels.
Gather as many power-ups as you can early on
Nice tip. Hey, the mech is a cool concept. It’s like transforming from a paper airplane to a sluggish tank. You exchange speed for brawn, except the brawn’s debatable. The punches look menacing but feel like tickles.
Punches that tickle—sums it up. And what’s with this music? It’s halfway between funky and what you’d hear on hold with customer service. Remember when Michael Jackson’s Thriller hit this year’s charts? Volguard II definitely is not that kind of hit!
Agreed! Oh, look, here comes one of the bosses. This is where the inevitable disappointment strikes. These bosses are like paper tigers: all bark and no bite. Let’s get the mech ready.
boomerang bullets?
This is it! Spoiler alert—prepare for disappointment. The big bad boss actually just feels like a slightly bigger enemy that just takes a few more punches before it… vanishes. Poof, like a bad magic trick.
Haha, like those disappearing ink pens we used to prank each other with. All in all, I think we knew what we signed up for. This game has its ambitions but falls flatter than a deflated balloon.
Couldn’t agree more. But hey, it’s all part of the 1985 gaming adventure, right? Amidst gems like Zelda and Metroid, sometimes we need a Volguard II to remind us how good we’ve got it.
Exactly. Plus, it’s fun to laugh about it. And here’s another tip to part with: Embrace the absurdity and expect nothing. You’ll have a blast, pun fully intended.
Cheers to bad games and good company! So, what’s next on our gaming agenda?
How about some Mega Man for a less torturous experience?
Now that’s more like it. Say, did you hear Capcom’s working on a sequel already? Let’s hope for greatness!
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