Alright, GamerFan, it’s game time! We’re tackling Total Recall on the NES, a game based on the movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I’ve heard mixed things, but I think we’re up for the challenge.

Indeed, RetroGamer84. I read an article in Nintendo Power that said this game sticks to the movie’s plot pretty closely, so let’s see if it does justice to Arnie’s epic adventure. Ready to punch some pixelated baddies?

You know it! Let’s start. Oh look, we’re Doug Quaid, and our first task is escaping the henchman Richter. I love how even on the NES, they tried to capture Forrest Whitaker’s likeness from the movie.

It’s a valiant effort, but these sprites are just too amusing. Quaid’s default punch looks like he’s swatting flies. Here comes a guard! Time to… oh, wait, my punch missed a dozen times. Come on, man!

I told you this game had quirks. For example, did you know that you can knock a gun out of a guard’s hand if you time your punch just right? However, that’s if you actually hit them. Let’s keep moving before we get too frustrated.

Well, at least the in-game cutscenes are trying their best to convey the movie’s plot. Look, we’re about to face Lori! I appreciate the cutscene art, but why is fighting her such a nightmare? She punches faster than Mike Tyson!

And there’s the kicker. Lori’s ridiculous speed! It feels like she borrowed some Turbo boosts from Mega Man. Just keep jumping and punching, we will get through.

Phew! She’s down. Now onto more platforming and another quirky level—the security x-ray scanner! Why do these guards only attack now? Must be the slowest security response ever.

Slowest or not, these guards are oddly relentless once they do show up. Fun fact: The game was developed by Interplay and published by Acclaim. Did you know Interplay was also behind titles like Wasteland and The Bard’s Tale? It’s ironic such a good studio struggled to make this engaging.

Yeah, Interplay usually delivers, but Total Recall feels like a lesser gem. This driving level in the Martian taxi is something else. The controls are slipperier than racing on ice! Good thing I love racing games; I can handle this.

Glad you do, because this driving mechanic is madness. Speaking of madness, here we are: Mars level, shooting out windows to suck out guards. Now that’s fun! At least Quaid can use an actual gun here instead of the ‘bug swat of doom’ from earlier.

True, adds some much-needed variety at least. Hey, we’re near the final boss! Spoiler alert for anyone reading, Quaid has to face Cohaagen, the villain.

Cohaagen’s more of an annoyance than a threat. His attacks are predictable, but it’s the slow punches and clunky movement that make it tough. Plus, those mutant minions giving us a hard time.

It’s done! We’ve beaten Total Recall! Quaid hits the reactor and Mars gets its atmosphere. It’s funny how the ending’s prettier here than much of the game itself.

All in all, Total Recall may not be the greatest, but it was worth a few laughs. For anyone struggling, here’s a tip: When fighting bosses, keep moving and alternate punches and jumps to avoid constant damage. And in the driving level, easing off the acceleration helps control.

Agreed. For ’90s tech, it was ambitious, if flawed. I’ll say this for it: it’s memorable how it ties into pop culture, even if for the wrong reasons. Interplay tied their movie experience too closely to movie scenes, sacrificing fluid gameplay. But, hey, it is a fun relic of the era.

Agreed, GamerFan. Let’s keep the nostalgia train going. Maybe next, we can play something with smoother gameplay. Zelda or Mega Man, perhaps?

Let’s do it, and maybe we’ll find an unexpected gem or two. Off we go!

 

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