RetroGamer84 and GamerFan are sitting in the living room. A CRT TV in front of them displaying the pixelated world of Valis: The Fantasm Soldier. They each have a NES controller in hand, getting ready to dive into another gaming session.
So, we finally got our hands on Valis: The Fantasm Soldier! Have you seen the cover art? It’s like a vintage anime poster. They really went all out with that.
Yes, it’s quite eye-catching! But I’ve heard some mixed reviews about the actual gameplay. Let’s see if it’s as fabulous as it looks, or infamously… not so.
Well, there’s only one way to find out. Let’s help this high school girl save both the human and dream worlds!
They start the game, guiding Yuko through the first stage, attacking monsters with the Valis sword.
The controls feel a bit clunky, don’t you think? Yuko moves like she’s wading through molasses.
Definitely not as smooth as Mario, that’s for sure. And the jumping mechanics—it’s like she’s attempting Olympic-level high jumps every time.
And what’s with the enemies? They’re as persistent as my little brother when he wants my turn on the console. At least the power-ups give the sword some much-needed range.
Speaking of power-ups, you’re going to need them for these boss battles. Did you see how resilient the first boss was? It’s like hitting a piñata with an empty stick.
They manage to defeat the first boss after a few tries.
Finally! I think I grew a few grey hairs waiting for those health bars to deplete. But hey, at least Yuko’s hit points increase after every boss.
True, that helps a bit. By the way, did you know the game was developed by Telenet Japan? They usually have decent titles, but I’m starting to wonder if their QA fell asleep on this one.
Oh, Telenet Japan! They also gave us titles like Valis II and Valis III, which I heard are much better. Maybe they learned from this one’s flaws.
They continue playing, advancing through a few more levels.
I heard this game was an attempt to mesh anime storytelling with platforming action. They definitely nailed the anime part. But as for the platforming…
It’s like they forgot to refine the mechanics. I keep getting hit because Yuko moves so sluggishly. They should rename this game Valis: The Patience Soldier.
Both laugh as they navigate through another frustratingly designed level.
Here’s a tip: stock up on those all-screen attack items. They save you the headache of dealing with these endless waves of enemies.
Good advice. I’ve been using the temporary invincibility to breeze past difficult spots—always feels like cheating, but in this game, it’s almost necessary.
They keep progressing until they finally reach the final boss, Rogles.
Spoiler alert: Rogles is probably the most anti-climactic boss ever. He’s got less fight in him than a wet paper bag.
You mean, after wading through this entire game, THAT’s what we get? I was expecting some epic showdown!
Instead, it’s more like he just wants to sit down and have a chat about what went wrong in his life. Maybe he’s as tired of this game’s mechanics as we are.
Despite Rogles’ underwhelming challenge, they finally beat the game.
Well, there you have it! Valis: The Fantasm Soldier, a journey through sluggish controls, stubborn bosses, and hilarious anti-climaxes.
It’s no Zelda or Mega Man, that’s for sure. But if you want a laugh and a bit of a challenge, it’s worth a playthrough. Plus, you might appreciate the anime-inspired story if you can look past the gameplay flaws.
And keep up with all-screen attacks and invincibility items! They’re a life-saver. Now, why don’t we switch to something a bit more fluid? I’ve been itching to replay Metroid.
Sounds like a plan. Let’s dive into some alien lifeform hunting!
They switch games, leaving Valis: The Fantasm Soldier with both fond memories and bemused laughter, ready for their next adventure in gaming.
You can also read the Villain View for Valis: The Fantasm Solider here!
